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Thursday, September 18, 2008

A Crazy Last Few Weeks

The last few weeks have been very busy, scary but I pray getting better...

Late last night I finally got out of the hospital...two hospital visits in the last 3 weeks is enough to make anyone nuts!!!!

I wont go into great details but the latest visit was only 4 days but the scariest by far that Ive had in a long long time...well since the med overdose during my Jan (this year) visit...

Vomiting blood, chest pain and a few other complaints turned out to be my INR (blood clotting time) being double what it should have been and ending up with me having yet another stress test and me getting my first and I pray only blood transfusion....getting plasma to help thicken my blood...boy was that scary....when told that "that" is what they needed to do...I not only went over all of the chances of getting "bad" blood...(by the way the chances of getting HIV, and other things from blood is roughly 2 in 2 million which is greatly reashuring but still very scary...but I also couldnt get over the fact that the plasma "came" from someone else...it was a very strange odd feeling...not to mention that I needed meds to help with anxiety that "that" was giving me....I was feeling so ill with the thoughts going on in my head (and my phy things too) that I truly thought I was going to have to tell them to stop the treatment...I dont know if that is common with people who get transfusions but it was a horrible ordeal for me anyway. Even with a million prayers for the Lord to calm me.

But NOW i am home....still need the surgery (gallbladder) but cant till my blood issues are totally resolved...so I have to go back to UAMS (Little Rock Ark.) to see a doc with general surg and then get an appointment to have that done...

I know I have alot of health issues...and I pray for healing, I guess my faith is just too little...I try to work on that but its just very hard for me...Ive been dealing with my health issues for years, but more so in the last 4-5 years...and the last 2 years it seems ive had nothing but endless hospital stays.....I just feel so weak sometimes...I mean I know I am blessed and things could be so much worse...there are people out there that deal with so much more than me....but I am just so sick of being sick....sometimes I feel like God is just not listening or is ignoring my cries for him.....I feel worthless so much of the time...